The Diary of a Dramatic Yo-Yo: The Introductory Post.

Dear You,
Welcome to a world where food is ALWAYS on your mind. I'm not talking about a 'I'm hungry, I wonder what's for lunch.' kind of food on your mind. I'm talking about eating everything within your sight. Keeping a book filled with pictures of (high calorie, gooey, unhealthy and worst of all fattening) food and hiding it under your bed to look at when everyone is asleep, like teenage boys are apt to do with porn, kind of food is always on your mind.
Ladies and Gentlemen, diaries of all ages and sizes, I, Jamie C, have an eating disorder, I'm not talking about the glamorous ones that you see on E-news. Or the ones that have books like Wasted and Unbearable Lightness written about them. I'm not talking about the Famous Nervosa Sisters, Ana and Mia. (They sound like princesses don't they)  Princess of the eating disorder world. I'm not even talking about the king and most feared among eating disorder communities, the 'BED' or the monster of eating disorders where you binge and binge and then binge some more. I'm talking about the least popular of the eating disorders, a halfway house of sorts, EDNOS. The name says it all. Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. It's the least noticed, doctors don't take it seriously, writers don't write about it and even my BMI looks normal. People with eating disorders are skinny right? Yeah I wish.
See no one tells you what it's like to wake up and wonder how you're going to feel about food. Repulsed?  Addicted? Or 'Normal'? No one tell you what it's like to wonder if you are going to starve, fast, purge, binge, or eat like a normal person when you wake up. No one knows what it's like to pray you lost weight when you step on the scale at your stipulated times, thrice a day. Once after you wake up. Once after you "go" and lastly after you shower. As if weighing yourself would be easy. There are rules that must be followed when you weigh yourself. Firstly you must weigh yourself on the left most tile of the bathroom, then the right most tile, the center tile all the while ensuring that the edges of the scale are aligned to the edges of the tiles. Oh but you're not done with the weighing ritual yet. Then comes the diagonal weighing. Same tiles but different angle of the scale. But I guess it helps you stay busy. More free time generally equates to more binge time. Something you REALLY don't want.
On the bright side your math skills are really improving. Calculating calories constantly in your head helps you practice mental math almost constantly.
 In all honesty, on most day's I don't feel like I had an eating disorder. On most days I feel like a phony, a fake. A yo-yo dieter with a major case of the dramatics.